if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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