You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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