i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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