did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
