Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
