Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
