i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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