sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
