Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
