The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
