I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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