Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
