after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
