I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
