well I can't set my house on fire every night
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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