You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My bed smells like the plague
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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