were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
