You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
