do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
