so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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