Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
