i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He did a backflip because drugs
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