I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
