I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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