Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
