i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
