don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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