Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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