I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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