i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
