hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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