I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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