Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
