please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
