i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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