I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
