I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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