Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
