I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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