I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
