he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
