I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize