yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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