i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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