She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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