Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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