i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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