What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
