i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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