how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
