Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm sobbing to NWA
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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