At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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