im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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