Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
