one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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