oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
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If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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