maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
And then he peed in my hair
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