So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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