Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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