She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
did i just pee glitter
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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