I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
