the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Shame - the story of my life.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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