I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
