maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
