True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
