So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
