Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
