the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
