Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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