I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
