she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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