But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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