Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
