I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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