Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
