meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
