no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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