my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
