And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
